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To me, Joe Queenan is the Thomas Poling of contemporary commentary.
Let me explain. Tom Poling is a booking agent in Nashville. I first met him through my work; the work relationship, as occasionally happens, developed into a friendship. This was due in large part to the fact that Thomas is a veritable Bartlett's of colorful expressions, many of which I have unabashedly and unashamedly appropriated as my own. Another related factor is that I am unable to complete a conversation with Tom without at some point finding myself on the floor, laughing and unable to catch my breath at some acerbic comment he has made.
The same is true of Joe Queenan. Queenan is the anti-Barney, a keen observer of all those things that prick and irritate the human spirit, of those things that drag us down as a species. It is impossible to read anything he writes without experiencing at least a twitch, if not a full-blown seizure, of painful self-recognition. You'll be laughing so hard, however, that you won't care.
Queenan's books are either collections of essays or treatises on a particular subject. TRUE BELIEVERS is a treatise dealing with sports fans. If you have absolutely no interest in sports, don't fear; I am not by any definition of the term a "sports fan" (this, only because mud wrestling is not yet considered a sport) but, like most people, I am well acquainted with a multitude of individuals who are. They are all in TRUE BELIEVERS, pinned to its pages like butterflies twitching on a fourth grader's science fair project display. The chapter titles tell it all. They include: "Fans Who Love Too Much", "Fans Who Just Enjoy It", "Fans Who Are Short" (a chapter for the kids) and my personal favorite, the one that I have read verbatim to several formerly close friends, "Fans Who Misbehave."
Queenan, in the latter chapter, describes in great detail and with laser-accurate viciousness the escapades of a couple of individuals at a baseball game. You can feel the heat, smell the mix of stale popcorn and rapidly warming beer, and experience the tedium broken by the antics of the people a few rows in front of you. And it is more than hilarious. It is breath-catching, heart-stopping, call-911-I'm-comin'-Elizabeth hilarious. Queenan provides a laugh like this every page or so. TRUE BELIEVERS should probably come with a warning label. You don't want to read it within a half hour or so of consuming a bag of White Castles, one of those new Enchilada Bowls from Taco Bell, or the Reuben Platter at the Tick Tock Diner on Route 3 in Clifton, New Jersey. Your laundress won't appreciate it.
TRUE BELIEVERS is for sports fans, the people who live with them, the people who love them, and the people who can't stand them. It is, in other words, the ultimate book for everyone. Very highly recommended.
--- Reviewed by Joe Hartlaub
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