THE DOWNHILL LIE: A Hacker’s Return to a Ruinous Sport
Carl Hiaasen
Knopf
Sports Memoir
ISBN: 9780307266538

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It is delightful to encounter a book that, in addition to being an excellent read, strikes an especially responsive chord in the reader’s mind. Such was the experience with Carl Hiaasen’s THE DOWNHILL LIE, an entertaining and enjoyable saga about the midlife return to the frustrating and fascinating game of golf that many readers may have gone through in their lives. As one who gave up the sport in my late 20s, when spending hours on the golf course became difficult and I found time to return to the game in my mid-40s, the Hiaasen narrative brought back many memories and nods of recognition. Perhaps more important, it offers many laugh-out-loud observations that a wise and humorous writer shares with his audience.

Many will recognize the Hiaasen name as a newspaper columnist for the Miami Herald and the author of bawdy and entertaining novels set in the State of Florida that poke fun at contemporary issues of American life. A Hiaasen novel skewers politicians, businessmen, retirees, rednecks and countless other denizens of the “Sunshine State.” He has applied this formula to more than a dozen bestselling fictional works.

Now the celebrated author has turned his wry humor inward. After a 32-year absence from the game that he first played with his father, Hiaasen, now a grandfather with bad hips and other equally bad appendages, decides it’s time to return to the game he abandoned in his youth. Why? Because, as he ruefully acknowledges, “I am one sick bastard.”

While he may be “sick,” he is wonderfully funny. Any golfer will appreciate his observation about a fine-looking new set of irons, too beautiful to throw in anger after a bad shot. As he attempts to explain the golf handicap system, most golfers will nod in approval. But, just like Hiaasen, they really have no idea how that tell-tale number that appears after their name bears any relation to golfing reality. Reading THE DOWNHILL LIE is a reminder to every golfer of the various circles of the inferno that constitutes golf, from lessons to gadgets to ecstasy and occasional humiliation. He experiences it all and shares it with readers in a fashion that every golfer will understand.

Hiaasen, of course, is not just an average guy returning to the game of his youth. Indeed, his book allows him extravagances that the average golfer can only dream about. One day, in a moment of deep depression, he emails his friend, professional golfer and television commentator David Feherty. His tale of woe and torment results in Feherty sending him the latest model Cobra Driver and ultimately a second model after the first is not quite the correct club for Hiaasen’s swing. For his effort, Feherty gets the back page of THE DOWNHILL LIE in the form of a complimentary blurb.

Every gadget purchased, every club and indeed some of the most expensive lessons in golf from the prestigious David Leadbetter Academy are chalked up to research for Hiaasen’s book. I must admit to pangs of jealousy that he has really come up with the perfect scam to have someone else pay the price for satisfying his every golfing whim. That envy is assuaged by two facts: unlike Hiaasen I can’t write, and nothing he does seems to help his golf game. Frustration fills the pages of THE DOWNHILL LIE, and because it is a golfer other than me suffering ignoble fate, I have to admit it is pretty funny.

I know Hiaasen will never read this review, but perhaps a friend will call it to his attention. Patience, Carl. Several years ago, just like you, I returned to the game I had abandoned. I struggled for a few years, but now at age 60 I am playing the best golf of my life. True, it is mostly attributable to equipment and the humility of moving up a set of tees, but it is improvement nonetheless and I am enjoying every minute of it!

THE DOWNHILL LIE is a perfect Father’s Day gift for your golfing dad, or the book to take along on your next golfing trip. Those who have never suffered through golf hell will not understand Hiaasen’s anguish, but the rest of us have a wonderful reminder that there are many out there equally frustrated and tortured by the game invented by drunken Scotsmen.

    --- Reviewed by Stuart Shiffman

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